You may have a Type-A mentality and find it difficult to relax and prioritize self-care in your life.
Worse, you may believe that taking time for yourself or attempting to relax is selfish, and as a result, you may feel terrible about saying "no" to others.
This, in my experience, is true of the majority of great performers.
Your service-oriented approach has served you well in the past, but it's currently working against you. You're not only confused of how to say no, but taking time off for leisure and relaxation makes you feel guilty.
You understand that your present high-stress lifestyle is unsustainable and will harm your career in the long run. And you already know that the solution is to schedule time for rest and regeneration.
The issue is: how can you feel less bad about saying "no" and carving out more time for yourself?
It's time to have a better understanding of what limits are.
Unfortunately, there is a frequent misunderstanding about boundaries that causes you to concentrate on their impact on others. The common misperception is that setting limits entails saying "no."
It's not about saying "no," and it's certainly not about other people when it comes to setting boundaries. A boundary is a set of rules that govern how others must regard you. They're concerned with your emotional, physical, and spiritual well.
As a result, they are a kind of self-care and self-respect.
It's all about putting yourself first when it comes to setting and maintaining appropriate limits. Putting yourself first means making sure you're at your best so you can give it your all for everyone else. What's so self-centered about that?
Your incapacity to say "no" is caused by a horrible four-letter word: Fear. You're worried about what others will think, if they'll be angry with you, and how they'll respond. Your anxiety is causing you to concentrate on the exterior rather than the inside reasons for setting and maintaining limits.
When it comes to defining and enforcing limits, it's important to remember the following:
- Pay attention to and raise awareness of the fact that individuals often say "no" with no repercussions. This will assist you in overcoming your fear of speaking it.
- Your limits should be backed up by explicit rules. Your limits are in place for a purpose, so be honest with yourself and others about why you established them.
- Be concise and avoid over-explaining. Don't go into a long-winded explanation, even though "no" isn't generally a whole phrase (it's disrespectful to simply answer "no" in response to most requests). New arguments will be able to poke holes in your logic if you do this. A simple "no" with a quick explanation of the regulation that governs your boundaries is adequate.
- Continue on your current path. It's OK to sound like a broken record to those bothersome people who don't take "no" for an answer the first (or second) time. Continue to say "no" in the same manner until they give up.
Now that you know how to set limits and enforce them, it's time to deal with the guilt you're experiencing when it comes to relaxing.
Here are some stress-reduction methods to help you rest guilt-free:
1. Make a mental shift.
It's critical that you shift your perspective on relaxing. And part of it is recognizing the advantages of rest.
You improve your mental and physical health by devoting time to yourself for relaxation and restoration (both in the short-term and in the long-term).
There are a slew of immediate physical advantages, including:
- Chemicals linked to stress are reduced
- Blood flow to your muscles rises when your heart and breathing rates drop.
- The blood pressure is reduced.
These cognitive advantages are influenced by your physical health. You'll have a greater attention span, be more inclined to think clearly and creatively, and have superior reasoning abilities if your stress levels are lower.
When you make relaxing a habit, your stress levels will automatically decrease, and you will feel better. As a result, learning to relax is an investment in your most valuable asset: yourself.
Your emotions and ideas are intertwined. A emotion is created by a concept (and vice versa), and it is these feelings that persuade you to act or not act.
You can modify your thinking, contrary to popular belief. That means you can retrain your brain to think about rest and rejuvenation differently, so you don't feel guilty or selfish about it.
Make awareness a top priority.
You must first become aware of your ideas and the beliefs that underpin them if you wish to alter them. Bring your ideas out into the open and identify them instead of ignoring or pretending that you don't have them (or attempting to force yourself to do something different).
Sit with your thoughts and beliefs to obtain a better understanding of what's going on in your head that makes you feel guilty for relaxing and/or saying "no."
Pose inquiries.
Ask inquiries that lead to beneficial responses after you've discovered your negative thinking. Become interested in facts to the contrary and how you might refute this notion.
If you're having problems saying "no" to a coworker, for example, ask yourself, "How would saying "no" assist them?" Alternatively, if you're feeling guilty about resting, consider this: "How will this time help me be more creative, productive, and successful at work and at home?"
The activity above sparks a line of inquiry that will help you make the mental transformation you want. It fosters new ways of thinking about relaxing and saying "no," enhancing your capacity to do so when necessary.
2. Look for proof
Your second recommendation for how to relax without guilt is to seek for evidence that supports relaxing.
You'll need to:
- Review your history and pinpoint what you've done for relaxation. Note: Only list activities that are obviously for relaxing reasons. Fun things that don't calm you do not count.
- Don't forget to add basic things such as sleeping, resting, and reading.
- On a piece of paper, write down the sort of relaxation activity and time spent relaxing.
- Analyze the influence of each activity on your mental and physical health, your mood, and productivity levels.
Also, look to individuals you respect who are successful and pay attention to how they relax and the advantages of their relaxation activities. Keep a notebook to chronicle all of your relaxing advantages moving ahead until relaxation becomes a long-term habit.
As you start to establish more links between renewal activities, your performance and productivity levels, and your health, it will grow simpler to prioritize rest.
3. Close "open-ended" loops
What repetitious activities do you have that never end? Do you have long-term initiatives that haven't been split into digestible short-term tasks and activities? In your mind, these sorts of duties and activities generate open-ended cycles.
Open-ended loops are actions that have no clear end point or conclusion, such as:
Emails are being checked and responses are being sent.
Pushing a long-term project ahead without defined parameters and timelines is a recipe for disaster.
Investigating a new concept without a clear vision of where you want to go (or when to stop)
The difficulty with open-ended loops is that you tend to get caught up in them and feel obligated to keep going since there is no clear limit or stopping point. As a result, discontinuing open activities is fraught with guilt.
Closing open-ended activities requires effective prioritizing and the acquisition of excellent productivity strategies:
- Breaking things down into tiny, doable projects with deadlines is a good way to start. Depending on what makes the most sense, your deadline might be time-based or outcome-based. Make sure you've broken things down into tiny enough chunks to make them simple and doable in a short amount of time (preferably within a couple of hours and no longer than one day).
- Only committing to what can be accomplished in a single day, with built-in intervals for rest and regeneration.
- Stopping when you reach the set finish line and moving on to the next priority.
Keep two lists: a daily to-do list containing just the items you'll be working on that day, and a bigger list of projects and activities (think of this as your "not now" list).
After quickly examining your schedule and list of long-term objectives, make your daily to-do list at the start of each day.
Set out regular hours in your schedule to check, prioritize, file, and reply to email and other daily duties. Schedule time to focus on lengthier tasks and avoid checking email during that time.
Follow these methods to feel less stressed, more productive, and have a lot more fun without feeling guilty.
